tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post1755939863301228678..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: Blast From the Past -- Playactingmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-43133987953297846982008-08-31T12:24:00.000-05:002008-08-31T12:24:00.000-05:00Wendy and Malinda, Ya'll are so sweet and open, th...Wendy and Malinda, Ya'll are so sweet and open, thank you! All the I Love You Like Crazy Cakes people who didn't skip the last page early on (now I don't) would slam me!<BR/>I do remain neutral with my daughter. <BR/>I just don't think my feelings will change - it's been 6 and a half years. Don't get me wrong, I feel sad for the social aspect of having to give up your children for ALL the Chinese people. I can't imagine such a thing, but then again, I am a spoiled American - thank you GOD!<BR/>But I can't connect with her as some have done. And, again, I think it may be because I can't see her, I don't know her story, I don't have anything to tell our children. Overall, I feel a connection to the Chinese people and culture through my daughter - but that's it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-44424587356165826422008-08-31T08:47:00.000-05:002008-08-31T08:47:00.000-05:00Sydney's mom,I don't think you are wrong either; i...Sydney's mom,<BR/><BR/>I don't think you are wrong either; it is something very personal. I guess until we meet the birthparents (if that day ever comes) we will then be able to make our personal decisions about them and their choices. I think we carry feelings very different from our kids and it is just important that we remain neutral. It is important not to romantize the birthparents because we don't know them or the reasons behind their not caring for our kids, but not to demonize them either because again, we just don't know. It is hard.<BR/>When M first came home I felt like you, I just didn't feel anything for them and maybe to some degree angry as I hadn't seen the finding place, checked the weather for the day, and had no information beyond the finding ad. It didn't bode well with me. However, I have since received additional information about the time, exact location, the clothes M was wearing, and the people surrounding her finding and it really changed things for me. I am much better at remaining neutral--I still don't know their specific situation obviously, but I have a better understanding of the day, the environment, and the specifics relating to M. <BR/><BR/>Looking back to your first sentence, I don't think you should have to love her or think that she gave you a gift, she didn't--the CCAA allowed the adoption and her birthfamily probably has no idea that she ended up in another country. I don't think our feelings matter in the end, it is about the kids and giving them a healthy approach to their adoption--not roses or weeds.Jeff and Madelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330454830153579449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-31354398502495601492008-08-30T23:01:00.000-05:002008-08-30T23:01:00.000-05:00I understand exactly where you're coming from, and...I understand exactly where you're coming from, and thanks for being so honest. No need to feel guilty, there's no right way to feel about birthparents! I plan to post a bit more about my journey from fear/resentment to partial understanding/acceptance to sympathy/longing with regard to my kids' birthmothers. But no matter how I felt, I did the same as you-- expressing only positive things when we talked about birthparents. I always thought it important that Zoe and Maya see their birthparents as basically good people faced with terrible choices. Of course, we don't know anything for sure about their attitudes toward their relinquished birthchildren, but I can tell the girls that I THINK their birthparents did the best they could for them, and made some loving choices.<BR/>It's obvious you've thought deeply about this, and are still processing it -- how lucky Sydney is to have you for a mom!malindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-36116646833917825282008-08-30T22:10:00.000-05:002008-08-30T22:10:00.000-05:00PS Malinda you are so right that we all question w...PS Malinda you are so right that we all question whether we are correct in our actions / words. So I have not shared my own thoughts above with her on any level. I try to do the right thing and let her express to me how she feels and hear her thoughts. Yes, she thinks Kristi Yamaguchi could be a close likeness to her birth mother....I didn't even tell her she was in the wrong country!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-38559268473359126962008-08-30T22:01:00.000-05:002008-08-30T22:01:00.000-05:00I am so politically incorrect when I think about S...I am so politically incorrect when I think about Sydney's birth mother. I KNOW I should love her and thank her for this beautiful gift she gave me, but I am not moved in any way by thoughts of her. I have read it all, and am sad as a whole for the people who have to suffer from the one child per family policy. But as far as the birth mother is concerned, my feelings haven't developed at this point. <BR/>I think it's because we have no background, no picture, no nothing. And I resent that my child has to fantasize about who she "may" be. It's not her birth mother's fault. I know she comes from a different culture, and someone in her birthfamily took a HUGE risk leaving her wrapped in adult clothing at the gate of her orphanage. She was close to the guard's quarters. They could have been arrested! <BR/>But still, all my emotion is for Sydney and any friends she may have who look in the past and wonder who their birthfamilies are. I have analyzed this on many occassions while I think of how compassionate so many others are toward the birth family. My heart and soul ache for other reasons. I think it's too painful for me to even fathom the idea of having to ever give her up. And I have knots in my stomach when I think about how cold she must have been on that late November night. Maybe I'll get there, I feel guilty about my lack of being moved by her. But, then again we Momma bears are always thinking of how to protect our little cubs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com